My Conservative Struggle With Gay Marriage Issues

        During a conversational lull at a party I attended in June, 2015, a woman whose name I don’t remember, asked my friend Jim and his partner about their plans for marriage should the Supreme Court decision rule to uphold marriage for same-sex couples. 

   I found her tone and attitude to be patronizing.  Jim and his partner seemed embarrassed by the question.

     I restrained myself from telling this stupid woman how insensitive I thought she was being.

   After an awkward pause, Jim’s partner (whose name also escapes me– let’s just call him Walt) started talking about how they were looking forward to hearing what the Supreme Court had to say but that it really didn’t matter.

   “We’ve been together for eleven years and we have all our documents in order. Our church would marry us now if we wanted,” Walt said.

    He went on to talk about people’s interpretations of Bible passages about homosexuality and how the Bible really doesn’t say anything against homosexuality as some conservative Christians have argued.

    I was so uncomfortable with this whole discussion that I thought about leaving the room.  I decided against it because I didn’t want Jim and Walt to think that I was anti-gay or unfriendly.  I tried to keep my mouth shut, but it was difficult with only four of us there in such close proximity in the small living room of this quiet suburban home.  I ended up babbling something about civil unions instead of marriage, which was more than I should have said.

  I consider myself the poster child for Ms. Manners’ proscriptions against discussing politics, religion or sex at social gatherings.  The Gay marriage issue hits the tri-fecta of unsuitable subjects for polite social conversation.

   I have strong conservative ideas, and I am pretty outspoken with my opinions. Most of the people in my social circles are liberal. 

     For the record, I am not anti-gay. 

     I am opposed to gay marriage. I am over-the-top intolerant of in-your-face activism of all flavors and sizes because it always portends some kind of over-the-top bigotry and injustice - no matter which side of the issues it claims to be on.

     I agree with the those who believe that marriage is and should continue to be defined as a union between one man and one woman as they seek to pro-create and parent.  I know that heterosexuality doesn’t guarantee marital harmony and family stability, but I think it is a cultural norm to which we should aspire for the sake of propagating and maintaining the human species. I know that children do come into the relationships of same-sex couples.  Some same-sex couples are doing a good job of nurturing and raising children.  But it is not the same as pro-creating and raising children via healthy, mature stable, nurturing, heterosexual married parents.   

    I support the concept of civil unions and would like to see the states expand legislation to give same-gender couples the legal rights, benefits and protections that heterosexual married couples have. 

     All stable, mature adult couples --whether heterosexual, homosexual or asexual -- should be afforded the rights to share their property, bills, insurance and taxes if they are seriously, sincerely committed to sharing their lives with each other.  The government and all other institutions should recognize and support these kinds of unions.   If a ceremonial blessing via religious affiliations is desired and churches are agreeable, I think that’s a good thing.  

   Refusing to apply the term “marriage” to same-sex unions does not mean that these kinds of relationships are or should be considered less loving, less valid or less important.

     I’ve heard all the arguments about how my kind of conservative attitude relegates same-sex couples to second-class status.  

   Jim and his partner and many other healthy, mature same-sex couples don’t think of themselves or their relationships as being “second class.”  As Jim’s partner noted, they have loved each other and enjoyed sharing life together for many years. And they will continue to love each other and enjoy sharing life together regardless of the Supreme Court’s decision.

    It seems to me that this “second-class status” is mostly an opinion or a discomfort that people have about themselves or each other.  No amount of legislation can fix that.   

   All this controversy about gay marriage should have caused us to objectively look at all sides of the issue, read and listen to a wide variety of ideas on all sides of the issue and then do some searching and decision-making in our own minds and hearts instead of letting the mainstream liberal media and other people's opinions decide for us.  We have allowed civil discussion of these issues to be drowned in the divisive ugliness and confusion of activism.   

     I am discouraged by the fact that in all this hubbub over gay marriage, I am not hearing a lot of discussion about family values or the sanctity of life – not even from churches.   I see the churches as having abdicated their role in counseling and support for couples and families.   

     At a time when so many people seem unable to make any kind of serious long-term commitment to anything, I think the clergy should be toughening their standards for sanctioning couples –heterosexual couples as well as same-sex couples.   Instead I read blog posts where churches are throwing open their doors and inviting gay couples to take advantage of holiday wedding specials much as stores tout their special holiday sales. 

    What happened to that quaint old religious custom of guiding couples through a lengthy discernment and education process to verify that they were entering into the sacrament in sober reverence, understanding and respect for themselves, each other, the community, the church and God?

     Recent surveys have shown a shift in people’s opinions since 2003 when no states permitted same-sex unions and all referendums on the subject to that point had voted it down.  As a result of continued hammering from the activist-driven, liberal-leaning main stream media and the liberal media’s influence on the millennials, who now make up a significant portion of the populace, a majority of Americans now favor gay marriage, although less than three percent of the adult population in America is gay and many of those adults who have identified themselves as gay have no interest in marriage.  

   With the increased popular support and many states having passed legislation that permitted same-sex couples to marry, the Supreme Court decision  to favor gay marriage was inevitable. 

    In my un-humble, conservative opinion this represents yet another subjugation of respect for the sanctity of life and the value our society places on families.  
    Activists, by definition, are angry, uncomfortable, unhappy people. Even though gay marriage became the law of the land via the Supreme Court and State Legislatures, activists are still unhappy with themselves and each other.  The need to agitate never disappears.   These people always need to be angry and upset about something. Activists will continue to push for more.  It will not end until people learn to think and reason for themselves and have the courage to stand up to activism.